6 Months

So, what do you think of Abby's STRAIGHT hair?

Hee...heee... When the boys are away, the girls will play!

And PIGTAILS! For the first time in her life, Abby's hair is long enough for pigtails!! I love it! I may have to straighten her hair more often.

This past Sunday marked 6 months since we rushed Abby to the Emergency Room in San Diego. She has definitely come a long way, considering the kind of trauma that her brain went through and I am so grateful for the progress that she continues to make.

This past Sunday was also the Primary Program at church. This is one of my favorite days each year - it always has been. I love listening to the kids sing all the songs they have learned during the year. This year I was looking forward to the Program just as I have in years past, but I was not expecting to be so emotional. I was trying very hard not to cry the ENTIRE meeting. So many things were running through my head. Abby will go into Primary in January (that is, if she can ever last longer than Sacrament Meeting). That means she will be in the Program next year. I kept thinking about what a tender moment it would be to watch her walk up to the podium and say her part. I really hope we will get to see that. I have no doubt that she will be able to walk, but her lack of progress in communication worries me. After Ethan died, I was filling in for his mom as the Primary pianist up until we went to San Diego, so I was playing many of the songs that the children sang during the Program. When I would practice at home Abby always came running in to say "Good job Mommy! Good job!" I am sure she recognized the songs, and as I sat next to her I wondered if that memory made her as sad as it made me. But for the first time in 6 months I could actually hear her voice inside my head. It was very early on that I could no longer remember what her voice sounded like. However, on Sunday I distinctly heard her sweet voice telling me Good Job. The toughest part was when they sang "I Love to See the Temple." I heard the introduction to the song and whispered to Abby, "They are going to sing the Temple song! You know this song! It's your favorite!" They didn't even make it through the first phrase before I started balling - not just tears streaming down my face, but the kind of crying that makes your whole body shake, which was made worse because I was trying to hold it in - I didn't want people staring at me. Although I know the people right behind us saw me and must have thought I was quite a basket case. There is so much about all of this that is too hard and I just hate it sometimes. But what I keep forgetting is that Abby hates it too. This isn't just MY trial. She is suffering just as much, if not more, than we are. I can not even begin to imagine what it is like for her not being able to talk or use her body the way she wants to. But thinking about that just makes me hurt even more because I can't stand to think of her SUFFERING. Sometimes it is easier for me to just feel sorry for me and not think about what she is going through. I hesitate to share a lot of what I post on here because I don't want to complain (actually there is quite a bit about our 'new normal' that I haven't shared, for that reason). I realize what an incredible blessing it is that Abby is even here with us today. But after 6 months of being stretched to the max, it is hard to always have a happy face.

Last week I forgot to mention that we finally got Abby's new wheelchair. For the last 3 months we have just been using the loaner chair from the hospital while waiting for her custom chair to be made. But now we have the official Abby Mobile! It is exactly like the other one, except now she has a tray, which is super cool. Now she can look at books or play with toys. Before it was hard for her to play in her chair because she would drop everything. But not anymore! We keep her out of her chair as much as possible, but she has to sit in it for her tube feedings, which last 45 minutes, and then an extra 30 minutes after to let her stomach settle. She is much happier during that long stretch now that she can keep herself occupied. Yay for being content!