Count Down

Abby's therapy clinic had a super hero birthday party this week. It was a great way for all of us who benefit from their services to be able to give back, and be their Super Heroes. In the lobby they put up a special wall of stars. Each star had a different item from their wish list written on it. I knew immediately which one we would take:

Abby's PT (physical therapist) has mentioned a few times how much she wants a slide with steps so that Abby (and other kids) could work on climbing in a fun way. So when I saw that star, I knew it would be our gift. And of course, we had to try it out first.....ya know, to make sure it worked...

Abby was sick the day of the party and couldn't go. Bummer! So I dropped off the present for her. Happy Birthday CCTS!

We had been thinking for quite a while that we wanted to find something cool to donate to the clinic, so this was a perfect opportunity. Abby spends so much time there and we really LOVE her therapists. We are so glad that they are a part of this journey with us. They really are Abby's Super Heroes.

I straightened Abby's hair again the other night. It is way longer than it was last time! It's actually long enough to fit properly into pigtails. Cute girl.

Pigtails are cute, but I am in love the pony tail. How cute is she? (And yes, it takes some serious skill to create such a messy-looking pony tail...I am really bad with hair!)

The kids were very excited when Abby's formula shipment arrived earlier in the week. The boxes kept them occupied for quite a while.

As I mentioned last week, Abby's one-year mark is just around the corner. I would be lying if I told you I am excited. Instead, I am completely freaking out about it. The closer it gets to May 20th, the more emotional I become--and it's all different kinds of emotions: sad, angry, frustrated, scared. I know I should be focusing on the achievements she has made and just how far she has come in the last 12 months, but some days all I can think about are the negatives (for example: it has been an entire YEAR since my little girl has spoken to me). I won't list all those negatives for you. That wouldn't do anyone any good. But they float around in my head every time I look at her. It is just hard. And May 20th will not be a pleasant day for me. I know I will be recounting hour by hour what happened that day, and stirring up those same emotions all over again. That's just how I am. I am obsessively sentimental, which is not a good thing in this situation. I don't want to remember seeing her lifeless body. I don't want to remember how it felt to say what we thought was our last good-bye. I don't want to remember how it felt to be planning her funeral in my head while she was in surgery. No one should have to go through that. We have some very positive things planned for next weekend, but I am still not looking forward to it.

This is the last post I will have up before Abby's year-mark (sorry, I just can't call it an anniversary). I had planned to share some of the ways we were prepared for this challenge. You always see things more clearly in hindsight, and I have found several things/people/experiences that God placed along our path in order to help us and give us strength now - some are from before Abby was even born. But I don't think I will go into detail about them. I will just say that even though this has been incredibly difficult for all of us (most of all, Abby), and some days are almost too dark to get through, I know that it all happened for a specific purpose. We may not fully understand that purpose for years to come, but there have already been several ways in which we have been able to help others because of what we have been through. That doesn't make it any easier, or less painful, but at least it makes it seem worth it.

Oh, I almost forgot. Happy Mother's Day!

I was able to play the piano while the Primary kids sang in church this morning. That is the PERFECT place for me to be. If I am at the piano, behind all the kids, then I can't see Abby and get sad. Perfect! There was definitely some inspiration behind that calling.